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Just Say No!

Feb 05, 2021

If you’re struggling to say no, or you’re finding yourself agreeing to do everything and then panicking about how you’re going to fit everything in, then this is the episode for you!

Bertie and Debbie talk you through the power of saying no and share stories of how when they have said no, doors have often opened to many other wonderful opportunities.



Debbie: Red hair- Oh look!

Morning!, Flapping about with my hair. Good morning!

Bertie: Welcome to [email protected] live! Live on LinkedIn, Debbie's Facebook. My YouTube and now soon to be a podcast.

Debbie: Yay! We'll let you go when it goes live won't we we'll we're we're working on it now. It sounds very professional. We're almost surprised with ourselves at how professional we sound.

So that's good. Isn't it? It is.

Bertie: It is. It's always a good start. So yes, these will now be released as a bite-sized podcast. So you can have, as in your ears Come on whichever you can, you can do both. You can watch it and then listen to it afterwards. Like you could just have as 24/7.

Debbie: That's that's a lot of Debbie and Bertie.

It is, it is. But for some people they would love that. Wouldn't they,

they would love that. Yeah. What are we talking about today? Bertie?

Bertie: On today's show. We are talking about just saying no. So that's the title of it. So just say.

Debbie: Just saying,

Bertie: because me and Debbie were just catching up before and it's a problem that we both have.


Debbie: Like mine is literally this week. So yeah. It's literally a problem now happening now. I think most people suffer with this problem, don't they? Because it's difficult to say no to opportunities. Cause you're like, Ooh, where might that go? Or. You know, is that something that's going to take me further or maybe I've kind of wanted this at some point, so yeah, I think we have difficulty with that saying though.

How about

Bertie: you? Yeah, exactly the same thing. I think if something comes in like a request or a call or anything that I will just naturally just say yes to it, because. It just comes from a place of wanting to help that person. But actually what I'm doing is I'm I'm not putting my own needs and especially if I've saved, meticulously planned out my day, actually it just has a negative effect on everything else.

So I think a lot of the time, it always reminds me of that. That thing you see on plate, remember those things, planes, when you could go on a plane and travel. Well, I know you'd be in the sky and then you'd be in, into the country. It'd be art and stuff and not visible. And you could go to restaurant anyway, on a planning when you get those little cards in the back and it's before you before you put anyone else's mask on, always make sure your, your own mask is on first.

Yeah, I think it's a very similar thing. Isn't it with, with say now? I think sometimes saying no can actually be mean saying yes to other things because Yeah. You just end up having a negative effect on the stuff that you're trying to do. So it's great for that, that, that small reactive instance, but for the long-term stuff that you're doing, it just has a negative effect.

And I found that yesterday I was writing my daily email, which if you haven't joined, you should be joining because people like it. Love it. In fact, I was still writing that last night at like 10 to nine at night when it should have been out by five. So. Yeah, it just, it can have a negative effect. So what your experience is Debbie.

Oh, and then before you do, if you've got any questions, whack them in the chat and we will answer your questions about inexperienced is about saying no.

Debbie: So Steve, Steve Edwards has just said, I do the Richard Branson thing of saying yes. And then figuring it out currently, just doing that. Am I echoey to you?

I'm echo-y to me, you're not accurate how in my space, there is a thing isn't there there's that Shonda Rhimes book of saying yes. Like the gear of saying yes. And just saying yes to lots of things and then seeing what comes out. But I think also, like you said, saying no sometimes is actually saying yes, Yeah.

And this idea that if one door closes another one opens.

Bertie: Exactly. And I think, I think it's all in context as well. So Steve, I mean, yeah. Jump in the comments and correct me if I'm wrong in there. So I'm assuming that, you know, if someone's saying to you you know, can you do me a photo. On this, or maybe it's something that's a little bit out of your comfort zone or something you haven't tried before say yes, figure it out.

But that it's, it's still aligning with your goals and your missions and the, and the great work that you're trying to do. So yeah, I think in that instance, yes, absolutely opportunities. If there's some great opportunities that align with everything, then you should be saying. And then and then figuring it out.

What I'm talking about is is, is things that maybe don't align or maybe when you've actually already planned out your day. And then the stuff that you're saying yes, to has a negative and knock-on effect and everything else, because then it, you know, you're not doing the best for your customers and also you're not doing the best for yourself.

And we do have to preserve our own energy sometimes. What's your experience, Debbie. So

Debbie: I, you know, when you kind of wish for things and you're like, oh, I wish I wish this would happen. So a lot of my, you I've been like, oh, I'd love to be a radio DJ. Wouldn't it be great if I was a radio DJ, because I like talking and I love music.

And then this week I got approached by a small, new voluntary radio show asking me if I'd like to do my own Joe.

And then have spent the past two days having a lot of sleep thinking, what am I going to talk about? When am I going to find the time to run a radio show? Is it aimed at my audience? Anyway, what benefit am I going to get out of it? You know, I don't get to pick the music. So there'll be a lot of Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, and George Ezra that I'll have to introduce, which is not particularly my cup of tea.

But my ego got in the way and I thought somebody is asking me to do something. And last night I was lying there thinking, does it make the boat go faster? So this is what we would do. This is what we've talked about last week. And the week before of if we're going to do stuff, is it going to take us where we want to go with.

If I do a radio show, is it going to make W2 Darko faster? Is it going to help me get the goals that I want to get to? And it's like, no, it's not. It's a distraction. It's just going to take up time. If I'm recording a radio show, I could be recording workshops. Since you told me. For my online community that they asked me for, or I could create some online courses that people buy off the shelf of my website, which works so well because you'll be having tea on a, went on a Sunday and somebody just bought an online course and you're like, woo.

It feels like free money. So yeah, I did some soul search, you know, This isn't going to make my boat go faster while it's a nice thing to do. I already am a business coach. I'm a director of a new social enterprise. I've got two podcasts. I run a women in business network. You know, my, my plates kind of a university lecture.

Do I need to be a radio DJ? So I'm going to have to say no. But that's kind of like, oh, but it will be fun, but you know, maybe opportunities aren't right for you right now. And I think that's the thing. We don't have to do everything today. You know, maybe in my fifties I'll become a radio DJ.

Bertie: Exactly. And I think you've hit the nail on the head there.

And I think listening to that, it's almost like, oh, maybe she showed maybe she shouldn't, but actually, you know about, you know, your time and how you should be managing your time. And actually as, as you then listed all of the things you do was that two podcasts including this, or is this now.

So this is the podcast as well now. Yeah. So yeah, listening to that. So maybe you should give it a try, but actually I think that's a, that's a sensible decision because there's a lot of time. And a lot of the things that I work with with clients is actually when you have all these ideas to implement them on the business, sometimes they're great ideas, but it's not the right time at this moment.

And it is working on the right. Thing. So for example, if you've got loads of work, loads of clients coming in, do you need to be focusing on something that's going to be bringing you more? Or do you need to be working on the clients like you were saying, you know, adding more value to existing clients and that sort of stuff.

And it sounds like from what you've said, you do, that's why it feels like the right decision. I think this is where I'm saying no to things is a really powerful. But it's hard and it is really difficult. And I think not being a psychologist, but I think a lot of it comes down from being a child.

Right? Like as a child, we're taught that if we say, no, it's rude. Like, you know, like, you know, mom, dad, teacher, and all that sort of stuff saying no to them. It's how well, why are you being rude? It's like, yeah, You can get told off for it. And those things do then carry through. So it is difficult. So how do you think then do Dar is the best way to say no to people?

Debbie: Well, I likely nightly isn't it. And I think it's, you know, maybe explaining the reasons why now, and it might be about saying not yet. Yeah. So sometimes it couldn't be about saying this isn't right for me now. Really? So Steve talks says we should have our own radio show. Well, we're going to have a podcast, which is kind of the same thing, isn't it?

But got, yes, we've got a jingle at the beginning. So maybe that's the music, but I think maybe it's about saying not. Because if a hard, no, can be a bit hard to hear and you know, it can be a bit hard to say, but if you say thank you so much for the opportunity, it's not right for me at the moment, but please keep me in mind and I might get back to you in the future.

You're leaving the door open. It's not, it's not a hard, no. And I think that can, that can really help. So yeah, I'm going to contact these people and say, just, just not at the moment. So what did Joe say? I had this the other day was offered an editorial in a local mag. Ah, I love it. I said no. And then started second gasping.

Then it struck me that I have no idea of the demographic of its readers and I'd never even heard of it, so, right. Choice. Exactly. So this radio station. To my ideal clients. I'd never heard of it before Robin said, well, you know, nobody's going to be listening mum. There's only really five people listening to you.

So it's like, oh yeah, maybe, but it's fun. It sounds fun. You know, and we do need fun in our life, but maybe I can use that 20 minutes to go and catch it with a mate and have a glass of wine and a park or something, you know, that would also be fun. And I don't have. Time for that right now. So I think we only have so much time in the day to do stuff.

Don't we? And it's like, what's going to get us where we want to go. And I love the analogy. Is, is it going to make the boat go faster?

Bertie: Yes. Yes, it is. I use that one a lot. I use a lot of my training with my clients and I heard that guy do the speech live. So it's something that's really, really stayed with me.

And it's just so simple. Isn't it? So, yeah, I probably mentioned that phrase at least once a day. So, Joe, it sounds like from what you've said, you've made the right decision there because if you could have loaded. Things coming through and actually, you know, is it aligning with you know, making your business move forward?

And if you don't understand that it could be that it is, but maybe they, you know, they need to be actually coming back to you and saying, look, we really want you to do this because you were aligned with our our values as a magazine, et cetera, your client base is there, but without all that, you can't make a decision.

So sometimes it is better just to say, No. And you can do it politely and you don't have to apologize, you know, you can be you know, firm, but fair with. You know, the way that you say it. And I think sometimes the worst that you can think that you can do is almost to say, if you know, it's a no in your head, how many times have we actually said, oh, well think about it.

I'll get back to you. And that's when you get the sleepless nights, it's like, how am I going to say no to this? Like, you know it to know don't, you know, it's no, before you've even started. Yeah. Yeah. And you just need being polite and then you've got. Yeah. Think of those excuses. It constantly, I always have this thing.

It's like, I always just say my sister's coming round. Even when my sister says I just said as a joke, even when my sister, oh, you know, can we do some things that are, no, my sister's coming around

show somewhere. I thought it really funny, but yeah, you don't have to make excuses. I think we can fall into that. And I think that's just self-aware so it is recognizing your own self-worth, which is easier said than done. Because, as I mentioned at the beginning, and as I mentioned to my daily emails yesterday, I'll put the link in the comments.

I personally struggled with saying there as well, and I like Debbie, Debbie said we all do it. So it is a very difficult thing to do. So we don't have all the answers, but it is something to be aware of that if you're saying yes to too many, if you've got, if you're too busy and too overwhelmed, maybe just, maybe it is because you're just saying yes to too much stuff that just doesn't matter.

And yes, Steve is right. There we go. Look, Steve, the words of wisdom this morning now is just as powerful as saying yes. And I think no Convenia sometimes, cause by saying no to something you're effectively saying yes to something else.

Debbie: Yeah. Yeah. And maybe something better will come along. You know, it's like, this is, this doesn't fit.

I'm going to say no. And it creates space for something better to fill that, fill that gap. So yeah. Just saying though, isn't that from like green chair? Doesn't that just say now? I can't remember. It was like, well, we'll, we'll, we'll look at it. So come and join us next week. Whatever we're talking about, do we now.

We are talking about something.

Maybe we'll talk about creating space. Like Joe's just said, I love that creating space. Maybe we'll talk about how do we create space in our business to open ourselves up for new things or opportunities, relationship, building, all of that stuff. So join us next week at 10 at 10. It's been a pleasure.

I'm just going to go and write that email now where I'm going to say no, I'll let you know how it goes. Next week. You, weren't going to hear me on a radio show, but we've got a podcast coming, so you'd be able to hear us in your ears then.

Bertie: Exactly. Thank you very much, everyone for joining us. It's been a pleasure doing this, Debbie.

Fantastic. Yet again, if you listen to the podcast, will, you know, what's due and all that other stuff. See you later. Bye-bye.

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